“Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.”
-Robert A. Heinlein

This quote came to my inbox yesterday from ScreamFree Parenting, one of my favorite web sites. Then I read Diana’s post, Do Your Kids Know Why You’re a Pushover? Both brought to mind something that I’m not very good at: discipline.

There are some benefits to being undisciplined. I’m creative, agreeable to change, and I have a freedom in my life that allows me to pursue many interests, people, and places. The main problem? When the going gets tough, I raise the white flag.

Ultimately, my lack of discipline results from wanting to make my life easy. Is that a bad thing? Who doesn’t want an easy life? As time goes by, however, the long-term effects are perhaps not making my life easier.

I’ll never be a hard-ass parent. I’ll never be the type to get up every day at the same time and follow the same routine. I don’t want to be that person. I do want to get better at seeing things through and providing an example for my kids. For the past year, I’ve been moving towards more discipline. I’ve been better about exercising. I’ve recently found some homeschooling inspiration (thanks, my friends!) and I’m starting to feel my mojo (it only took me 5 years). I’ve come to terms with what it means to me to have (or not have) a career.

I’m moving forward. Onward towards a semi-disciplined life?

As bad as I am at keeping to a schedule, I am inexplicably drawn to creating them. I love calendars and check-lists and all forms of organizers. One type of schedule that has really helped me lately is my Daily Habits List.

I created this simple spreadsheet as a visual reminder of the things I want to work on daily. At the beginning of each month, I print the Daily Habits List, fill out my goals, and post it on my refrigerator. Under “Daily Habits,” I list everything I want to remember to do each day. My list includes things like “drink 60 oz of water,” “exercise,” and “don’t yell at my kids.” On the right, there’s a number for each day of the month. When I accomplish a task, I check it off.

Can you see how motivating it might be to look at this monthly information at a glance? When you pass by the frig and see a big empty space on the grid where “exercise” hasn’t been checked off for 5 days, it clearly helps you to back away from the ice cream. And checking off your habits each day boosts your resolve.

The Daily Habits List is useful for more than health-related goals. I also list habits that are less task-oriented — things that I want to get better at like “smile more often.” The beauty of the List is its flexibility.

Please download the Daily Habits List here, then come back to tell me how you’ve implemented it in your life.

Today I posted over at SITS about holding on to your blogging mojo. Pot? Meet kettle.

I haven’t had my blogging mojo for more than a year. I have a dream that involves blogging, writing and speaking, but the stress and indecisiveness of trying to reconcile household responsibilities, homeschooling my kids, and being a decent mother and wife with the pursuit of said dream is just not working for me. I change my mind by the minute about completely putting aside my aspirations (for now) or trying to “do it all.”

Meanwhile, not much of anything is getting done on the career side or the household side.

Last month I was going through a rough patch. My cousin-in-law said to me, “Get off the Internet.” All I wanted to do was crawl deeper inside my laptop, but I knew she was right.  And I’m so glad I took her advice.

I stopped feeling guilty every day when I didn’t get to read or comment on blogs. I stopped taking on web design work. At night I read books and spent time with my husband instead of hunching over my laptop thinking I had something really important to get done.

The result is that I feel terrific. For the most part, I’ve been feeling relaxed (or as relaxed as a Type-A Mom homeschooling two children can feel) and grateful for everything in my life. I also realized that for all the time I spent staring at my computer, hardly anything was being accomplished.

My number one goal right now is to be a better role model for my kids. Part of that means being a better me, and part of it means letting go of some things that simply didn’t add much to any of our lives.

So the blogging mojo? I actually feel it coming back now that I’ve let go of the pressure on myself. For the time being, I think I just might have found the elusive balance.

I recently took an online personality/temperament test after talking with a friend about a more advanced (and IRL) version of the test that she had taken which helped her to better understand and relate to her family members. I’m a big fan of self-analysis, so I Googled and found this test.

The overwhelming result? Melancholy. No surprise there, but it was interesting to me that this temperament (and I know I’m probably not using the terms “personality” and “temperament” by their exact definitions so mine is a limited interpretation) – which has a negative connotation – has strengths and weaknesses. In other words, being a “melancholy” person can be good in a lot of ways. Some of the strengths include: Analytical, Serious and purposeful, Talented and creative, Orderly and organized, Finds creative solutions, Conscientious, Detail oriented, Keeps home in good order, Deep concern for other people.

This got me thinking. I’ve always been down on myself because I’m not an extrovert. I’m not extremely open or affectionate, I’m not good at keeping in touch with friends and family, I tend toward depression, I’m not enthusiastic. But does that make me less of a friend/wife/parent/success than someone who is Sanguine — the cheery, excited, life of the party (who might also be dominating, disorganized and forgetful, as the test suggests)?

When I was in 7th grade I wrote a paper for English class titled “Life Isn’t a Bowl of Cherries.” I got an A+ on that essay, but it was the teacher’s comment, written at the end of my essay, that affected me most. She wrote that if she could give me one thing, it would be the gift of enthusiasm. She was one of my favorite teachers – in the top five throughout my schooling experience – and her comment stayed with me throughout the years. It left me feeling like if I could just muster up a better outlook on life, just be a little more optimistic and bubbly, I’d go a lot farther.

But I was wrong to think that. Melancholy, yes. Too sad, introverted and pessimistic to succeed? I’m not buying into that. I can embrace my personality for all its good qualities and stop beating myself up for not being something I’m not.

Last week, I went through my old blog, PHAT Mommy, and pulled out the posts I wanted to import into this blog. I wanted to choose the most important posts that told the story of my life over my past 5 years of blogging.  What I thought would be blog maintenance “busy work” turned out to be a very enlightening experience.

First, I had a huge realization about my blogging “career.” In my first few years of blogging, I blogged about my life, my thoughts, and resources I found helpful. Then I somehow got sidetracked into thinking I had to have a “purpose” for my blog. A niche. A passion that I would be the authority on. I found that the older posts – just sharing my thoughts – are much better posts than my more recent ones which often seemed forced and dull. And I blogged a lot more often back then! I guess just being myself can make a better blog than trying too hard to find my “passion.”

Second, I realized how much I’ve grown as a parent. I looked back on some of those old posts and could honestly say “I don’t do that anymore,” or “I’ve gotten much better at that.” And there are still some things that I’ve made no improvement at all on…

So if you’ve been blogging for awhile, I recommend you go back and read those old posts. Maybe you can edit them a bit so they have better titles for SEO. (Little tech tip there for ya!)

Here’s a wise quote I’d like to share:

Nothing asks more of us than parenting does. We must grow up if we want our kids to. We must admit our weaknesses and work on them if we’d like them to do the same. A tall order, to be sure, but one worth all the gray hair in the world. For when we allow our kids to teach us about ourselves, we can then be as free and joyful as children again.

-Hal Runkel, LMFT and author of ScreamFree Parenting

Welcome to “Mom-Improvement Monday.” Each week I’ll be highlighting my favorite blog posts that inspire us to be the parents we want our kids to become.

• 10 Days to a Calmer Family: I love Noble Mother. She offers excellent advice for curing “soul fever”:  notice, slow down, and pull close.
• Does chaos reign in your home around the evening hours? Some simple tips from Steady Mom, guest posting at Zen Family Habits.
• Getting Mad is Madness. No one can make you get mad. You, and only you, are in control of your emotions.

I’m reading a great book (in between my ferocious consumption of The Hunger Games and Catching Fire) called Achieve Anything In Just One Year. It calls itself, “The last self-improvement book you’ll ever need!”

And it just might be.

Achieve Anything In Just One Year: Be Inspired Daily to Live Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals by Jason Harvey is a book that guides you through small daily choices that can make a big difference in your life. I’m finding this book easy to digest and motivating. I often set goals for myself, but it’s so easy to forget about them. Goals need to be in the forefront of your mind every day, and that’s what this book helps you do. Read just one page a day and take action that will “create a ripple effect” and help you feel more focused and inspired.

Each day (page) begins with a quote. (I’m a big fan of quotes and have been known to tape them on the walls around my house on index cards.) Here are a couple of my favorites:

• It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. –J.K. Rowling
• You only live once. If you don’t enjoy it, it’s your fault, nobody else’s.  –Duncan Bannatyne
• Life is a lottery we’ve already won. But most people have not cashed in their tickets. –Louise L. Hay
  

I have a copy of Achieve Anything In Just One Year to give away to one lucky reader. Just comment below to enter to win. Retweet this post with the button above and receive a second entry. Sweepstakes ends Monday, March 29th at Noon. Open to US citizens ages 18 and over.

Disclosure: I received  a complimentary review copy of this book. No payment was received for this blog post.

Update: Congrats to our Winner, Jenn Calling Home.

I need an intervention.

Someone please stop me from registering new domain names and starting new blogs.

Seriously, though, I’m done for awhile. This is my new home. I’m pulling all my favorite posts in to this blog from Mom Reinvented and PHAT Mommy, and I’m just going to get back to enjoying blogging and focusing on my Zen In Ten.

Join me. Because I love this place. Because blogging is powerful and inspiring and helps us connect and grow. And because I need you all — family, real-life friends, online friends — to support me, as I hope to support you, on the journey to “mom-improvement.”

This past weekend I was in Nashville for the Blissdom blogging conference and my trip was full of emotional ups and downs. Here are four reasons why I got weepy at Blissdom:

1. Kevin Carroll. His keynote was so powerful and thought-provoking. He summed up the theme of Blissdom before the sessions even began: find your passion.

2. Speaking of finding your passion… No, I haven’t quite found mine yet. Thanks for asking. But I’m getting there. I sat listening to bloggers who have accomplished what I hope to. Bloggers that blog their passion and educate, inform, and inspire. And I thought about where I’m going with my blogging and with many other facets of my life.

3. I didn’t have a roommate and therefore no built-in buddy. Ultimately, this turned out to be a good thing, but at first it was tough for me. I wandered from session to session, trying to find some friendly faces during the networking breaks. I found several people I knew and also met a couple new people.  I forced myself out of my shell.  But when it came time for dinner and the cocktail party on Friday evening, I was alone. I had left my cell number with a few people and asked them to call me to meet up, but no one did. So I bravely walked down toward the night club where everyone was lined up to see Harry Connick Jr, and I found Carmen.  She saved me that night. We bonded. She is an amazingly strong woman who taught me in one short night what it means to take care of yourself.

4. Then there was the National Tea Party Convention. When I got to the amazing Gaylord Opryland Hotel, I discovered that the convention was going on in the ballroom right next to Blissdom. I watched, somewhat longingly, as the attendees filed into sessions and milled around the common area. I endured the disparaging comments and tweets from many Blissdom bloggers who oppose Tea Party values. I learned that Sarah Palin was speaking that evening. On my way to dinner, I walked right by the room where she was speaking and had an odd little anxiety attack. I was there, surrounded by people who think very much like me, but didn’t feel confident enough to talk politics with them. Story of my life. I do everything half way, never making the time or effort to fully commit to a passion. At dinner, I cried to Melanie, who really must have been thinking, “What is up with this girl I hardly know crying to me about her life’s ambitions?” But if she was thinking that, she didn’t show it. She listened like a BFF and gave me some excellent advice.

So now it’s time for me to take a little hiatus. I won’t be blogging for the next few weeks. I’ll be staying away from Twitter. I’m taking some to really think hard about what direction I want to move in with this blogging thing. And when/if I return, I hope to be ready to focus on my passion.

I had an interesting conversation with some homeschooling moms the other day. We were discussing responsibility and teaching our children that X needs to be done to get Y benefit. The other two moms have schoolwork that they require their children to complete each day and suggested that this schoolwork was the child’s “job.”  Their feeling is that children need to learn – through various responsibilities that include schoolwork – that you need to complete your responsibilities, even if you don’t love them, in order to get paid and succeed in life. And by succeed, I mean having enough money to house, clothe and feed themselves.  The basics.

I agree largely with this assessment. Children should understand that life is not free. Every individual should produce something to get something in return. Where I disagree is that parent-imposed schoolwork is a necessary part of the equation.

I explained my philosophy that there are other ways to teach responsibility other than asking a child to complete assignments that may or may not be interesting to them at that moment. I am a huge proponent of letting learning happen when the child is truly motivated by a topic. I’ve seen it work in both of my children. They both learned to read with almost no help from me. They learn from engaging in life. I expose them to a lot and when I see a spark, I jump on it. Unschooling parents have been called lazy, but I think it’s actually more work than following a curriculum.

Responsibility and accountability can be taught in a natural way by asking your child to be a productive member of the household. Letting them do things for themselves and assist with appropriate household responsibilities is an important part of growing up. Learning is also an important part of growing up. Children want to learn and be productive. They want to be like adults, they want to model us. Given the chance to freely explore their passions, kids soak up knowledge like the proverbial sponge.

While I know where I stand on my schooling philosophy, the “responsibility and routine” theme of our conversation kept haunting me. My kids have responsibilities (that don’t involve specific schoolwork), but they don’t have a routine. Their responsibilities aren’t even routine. People talk about kids being overscheduled, but mine are underscheduled. Not in the sense of having things to do – we do plenty of classes and activities – but I am very loose with our day-to-day routine. Eating, sleeping, getting dressed – these are often optional and negotiable. We eat when we’re hungry, get dressed when we need to, and sleep when we’re tired. Sometimes this works for us. Sometimes the lack of structure leads to boredom or arguing for the kids and a tendency for me to spend a little too much time with my laptop. Maybe a bit more structure would benefit us all?

Yes, yes. The “studies” all say that children – and adults for that matter – thrive on routine. One thing I am really looking to improve is my focus. I might sit at my laptop for an hour while the kids are occupied, but I’m not fully present or getting any work done. I’m staring at my email or browsing through Twitter and Facebook. On the flip side, I might be doing something with the kids and not be fully present with them because I’m doing chores or thinking about a blog design I’m working on. And perhaps by not scheduling in specific “schooling” time, I am missing an opportunity to expose them to even more.

Ah, the elusive balance.

A lot of ideas are running through my mind. I’m creating lists and loose – but tighter than our current – schedules. I’m easing into this idea of structure and I’ll be sharing my journey here in future posts. I’d love to hear how you structure your day, especially the homeschoolers/unschoolers out there.