I recently watched the movie “I Love You, Man.” It’s about a guy who just got engaged, finds himself without any good male friends, and his effort to make some by going on a series of man-dates. It’s hilarious, telling the story of how tough it can be for an adult male to bond with a new friend. The movie portrays the quest to find friends much easier for women. And in some ways – for some women, it is. But for some women it can be harder.
When I graduated from college, all my friends scattered. I moved to another state and spent most of my time with my boyfriend/fiance/husband for the next few years. I had drinking buddies from work and couples friends, but I didn’t have a close girlfriend again until I became a mother.
And not until about three years after I became a mother. Those first couple years were tough and lonely. I was the only one of our “couples friends” who had kids. I only had my husband to talk to about parenting and didn’t have much outside support. I finally discovered the local MOMS Club and it seriously turned my life around. I had activities to go to and other Moms to talk to. I made some friends.
It still took awhile for me to find a close girlfriend. One that I would hang out with without the kids in tow, sharing a movie, a night out, or a scrapbooking weekend. And just over the past couple years I’ve made a few more close friends. Women that I love and admire. And I can’t tell you how much having close friends affects my life and my parenting.
If I were to write an open letter to new Moms, it would simply say this: Have a support system. Cultivate friendships for you. Don’t go it alone.
This is my first time participating in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Check it out.
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Twitter: flgirlmidwest
May 6, 2010 at 8:34 am
Dropping by from Mama Kat’s. Great advice.
I recently wrote a post about female friendships and I will link back to this post.
So, so true! Friendships are VERY important to a mom’s sanity!
Over from Mama Kat’s. Great Advice. I was sort of like you. New city, no friends at ALL because hubby worked all the time… just me and my newborn and toddler. Those were hard years! Great post.
Though your words are true, it’s easier said than done.
Yes. It is essential to good mental health to have friends. Being at home alone for the first time with a new baby can drive you to despair and loneliness BUT it doesn’t have to be that way.
I finally have some fantastic solid friends now, 15 years into this motherhood gig, but the first 3 years were lonely as all hell.
I’d tell moms everywhere to be OPEN to new friendships. Give a smile to a lonely woman who just moved into town. They may be different, but spread your wings.
I had a hard time making friends. NOt sure if it was my accent they didn’t like, or that I didn’t have girls, but they were not very friendly.
FInally, in a church, here, I was accepted and befriended. And my life changed.
So, moms: be kind, be open, give your heart. It can change someone’s life.
Twitter: mamakatslosinit
May 6, 2010 at 3:04 pm
That is awesome advice! It’s so true too. I was the first of my friends to have a baby and I found myself seeking out other women experiencing what I was going through. I felt like my friends couldn’t relate to me anymore. It’s sad!
Mama Kat´s last blog ..Writer’s Workshop: I Wished Her Dead And It Was Okay
It’s a wonderful thing to have close friends, a true blessing. I’m fortunate that most of my elementary school friends are still close friends, though some of moved out of state, we keep in touch via email.
I can’t imagine going through the first years of Motherhood without a strong support group. I don’t have children, but I know if I did, I’d need and want the support of family and friends :)
What a very true post and great advice for all mom’s. Everyone needs that friend who can normalize life for you and understands exactally where you are coming from! I love my husband, but thank goodness for my best friend!
Hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day!!
Twitter: forloveorfunny
May 8, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Happy Mother’s Day, my technological guru!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Proof that birds like Dancing with the Stars…
I love that movie. I love that girl too…
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You know what is great? When I saw that movie, I Love You, Man, I was with my best girl friend (we only get to see each other about 1-2 a year since we live so far away from each other and we are both mothers), the kids were at a babysitter, and we went to a movie theater (Where there was a bar, can you believe that?! I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.). We were served cosmopolitans and ordered some yummy nasty fried something or other. It was great. Thanks for the memory and the salute to friends! I must check out Mama Kat’s workshop…
Kristy´s last blog ..A Child’s Love for Mom
Happy Mother’s Day, my technological guru!
Twitter: CookCleanCraft
May 15, 2010 at 1:15 am
I really relate to this post. I worked in a male-dominated office, and I was always welcomed to be one of the boys, but never really had any close friends. Then after I had my son, about 80% of our office got made redundant (including myself), and scattered to all different parts of the country. The couple of wives from guys from work who I was relying on the be my support network all disappeared. I still have a couple of friends I stay in touch with via email/phone, but it’s not quite the same. I got involved with a Mothers’ Group where all the Mums are great, and it is making a big difference, although I still haven’t got any close friendships away from my son. Something to work on – thanks for reminding me I’m not the only one…
Cook Clean Craft´s last blog ..Kids Clothes Week – Day 4, 5 and 6
Haha i love my boys :)
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Yes this is a great advice for all the mom’s out there, being open is the first thing to get the trust of any person.
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this is a nice movie, and this is very interesting, this is a nice and great advice to all mom, very inspiring.
Twitter: Graceadamslive
June 5, 2010 at 6:04 am
I loved that movie. And I know what you mean. I lost the friends I had during my divorce, for one reason or another. But I met the greatest friend on the planet a few years ago, and I can’t believe what I was missing. Your advice is spot-on!
Grace´s last blog ..A Match.com Made in Heaven
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