I need a better after-dinner routine. Right now, we have dinner and clean up, then basically my family splits in half. My son and husband might play baseball, garden, play a video game, and read together before bed. My daughter and I might read, do a workbook, play with a doll or toy, take a bath, or watch a DVD. We might switch it up now and then, but rarely do we all do something together.
I have a boy and a girl who are six years apart. They fight, like most siblings, and don’t like to do the same things. We’ve tried playing family games, but they usually end in a fight.
I’d like our after-dinner time to be a scene out a 50′s sitcom, where we all talk and laugh and play together. I realize that’s not going to happen, but I’m sure we can make it better than it is now.
What’s your advice? What’s your family-time routine?
{ 18 comments }
Twitter: HeadlessMom
August 19, 2010 at 11:49 am
Is there something that the two of them could plant together so you could all garden together? How about a bike ride? What about writing down activities that you each like to do on strips of paper, adding them to a fish bowl and drawing one a few times a week? Then, you’d get a variety of activities, and no one would always get ‘their’ activity. Sometimes watching thought-provoking tv can spark great conversation, like something on Discovery or PBS? What about researching and planning your next family vacation? Since you homeschool, it could include budget, history, geography, etc.
Is that enough? ;-)
Headless Mom´s last blog ..All There is to Say
Twitter: shannonentin
August 20, 2010 at 10:52 am
I like the idea of going for a walk. That might work. Except that one child is fast and focused and the other is slow, moseying along and picking up every rock and twig. My kids are just SO different.
Twitter: youngwifestale
August 19, 2010 at 11:49 am
Hmm…could you all go for a bike ride or a walk together?
Twitter: carlient
August 19, 2010 at 11:51 am
Your picture says it all. . . in my house, especially in the summer, we would go for a little walk after dinner and then come home and play a game, usually RACKO or UNO. It was one of the few times I can remember where we all got along. And we picked games that pretty much any age could enjoy.
Twitter: carlient
August 19, 2010 at 11:52 am
oh, wait, never mind on the game thing; just re-read your post.
Twitter: A_Typ_Sub_Mom
August 19, 2010 at 12:06 pm
Love your sites. Visiting from SITS today.
Diana´s last blog ..What do you want out of life
Twitter: HelenHanson
August 19, 2010 at 12:13 pm
I’m over from SITS because your comment left me howling. . . . We have atypical family dynamics in my home. We work out of the house and homeschool, so family time is nearly constant. Good stuff.
Twitter: shannonentin
August 20, 2010 at 10:50 am
We homeschool, too. Do you ever feel that you’re always together, but not actually *relating* to one another as a family? I feel like I’m always splitting my time between the two kids. I’d like to find a way for us to enjoy being together.
We are having the same problem at my house. i have yet to find a soluation. my girls are 5 years apart.
Twitter: dianamarie
August 19, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Hmmm, I love Kendra’s suggestions. That said, I’ll also offer a different perspective. Depending on the rest of your schedule, maybe it’s not a bad thing. Certainly be honest with yourself and if you don’t feel you’re getting enough family time in do something about it. But I just think sometimes we get so hung up in what we think our schedules *should* look like that we forget that what they do look like may be our optimal functioning routine. And if that routine is not hurting anyone, perhaps it should be left alone.
Or, in the words of Rita Arens at BlogHer, “know the difference between what works for your optimally and what works for you realistically”. At the time she was talking about writing and work productivity, but I think it’s equally as applicable here. Rita’s example: we could all work optimally on a beautiful paradise island in our own personal inspiration filled writing hut, but realistically that’s not going to happen, so know what works for your realistically, like getting enough sleep to be on your game.
Perhaps optimally a 50′s sitcom household would work for you, but perhaps realistically family game/walk/garden/whatever time is more of a draw on the family’s time, energy and patience than it is a relationship cultivator. Ask yourself, does everyone else in your house seem happy and fulfilled with the way you’re currently doing things? If yes, what is the motivation for changing?
Here our time spent as a family as a whole during the week is done making and consuming dinner. And I don’t see anything wrong with that. After dinner everyone pretty much retreats to their preferred method of relaxation. And since I feel that individual time, time to unwind and rejuvenate is important to mental and physical health, I don’t see a problem with that either.
If you feel that the time spent at the dinner table isn’t enough or isn’t meaningful enough what about just trying to spice up the conversation. There are specifically dinner-table games that could be incorporated into the meal. Or each day have a family question that each person answers to help spur conversation about something new and to learn about one another.
Anyway, this is quickly becoming a blog post in and of itself (you’ve been inspiring me lately so maybe it’ll become one!) and I hope I don’t come across as questioning your motives or desires, these are just kind of the thoughts I’ve mish-mashed together over previous years when I kind of struggled with my own ideas about how a family/house should look, be run, etc.
Good luck!
Twitter: shannonentin
August 20, 2010 at 10:48 am
Thanks Diana. As always, I respect your advice and viewepoint. I don’t feel that everyone is happy and satisfied. There’s often fighting, whining and competition over who is going to do what with which parent. Since we homeschool, we have this odd situation of being together all the time, yet not really being together. My main motivation is to get my two children to get along better. Maybe I’m asking for too much.
Almost every day after a dinner me and my family we are going a little walk near the river where children can feed the ducks and see the beauty of the nature that surrounds them. Besides the fresh air makes them feel better for the rest of the day.
Jay´s last blog ..Star tattoos for girls
When we sense trouble brewing at out house, we do something (anything) that is kids vs adults. Could be a game, could be that we give the kids $20 and go to the grocery store so they can pick out dinner (and we HAVE to eat whatever they pick). Sometimes, pitting them against us (in minor ways) seems to work. We also have “days” for each kid – odd for the boy, even for the girl, and if there are any arguments, whoever’s day it is, gets to decide who they want to sit by, or whose partner they want to be, etc.
Good luck!
jamie´s last blog ..leap
Twitter: shannonentin
August 20, 2010 at 9:10 pm
Thanks Jamie, this might work for us! My kids DO come together when they are (playfully) pitted against the adults.
I agree that playing a game together is the best way to bridge the age and sex gap among children. I have 3 kids, 7 and 9 year old boys and a 15 year old daughter. While playing games can lead to arguments, in fact usually does, the good times usually out weigh the fighting. It is especially helpful if the kids can be on teams together. They seem to bond when they have a common goal and/or enemy to defeat :)
I agree that playing a game together is the best way to bridge the age and sex gap among children. I have 3 kids, 7 and 9 year old boys and a 15 year old daughter. While playing games can lead to arguments, in fact usually does, the good times usually out weigh the fighting. It is especially helpful if the kids can be on teams together. They seem to bond when they have a common goal and/or enemy to defeat :)
My sister an I are only 13 months apart…but that never stopped us from being completely different and fighting ALL of the time. I wish I had some good sibling solutions, but nothing really seemed to work for us. We still argue a good bit of the time.
I don’t have this dinnertime problem yet since we only have one little girl and my husband works shifts so we don’t even have a dinnertime :(
I saw this online a few months back and bookmarked it: http://www.letsfixdinner.com/TableTool.aspx
In there somewhere I’m pretty sure they have a list of questions for the family to ask one another and they have different games and ideas for during and after dinner. Maybe some of them will work for you.
I had read somewhere about a family that takes index cards and at dinner each night they write something on the card about their day (this could be done individually or as a family), it could be as involved as an entire story or something short like “Grandma came to visit today”, “I scraped my knee playing hopscotch”, or “Dad’s zipper was down while singing in the church choir today!”; Other variations would be writing down (or simply talking about) the best part of the day and the worst part of the day.
You could gather a list of questions, conversation starters, or trivia to have on hand for dinner. I love schedules and illiteration, so having a theme for each day would be neat something like: “Trivia Tuesday” (where you could either provide the kids with fun and unusual facts…or make it an assignment for everyone to bring some trivia to dinner), or “Flashback Friday” (where you ask everyone a favorite memory, etc. or make it a “story time” for the parents to tell funny stories from their childhood, etc.).
Even if it doesn’t help you get together after dinner…maybe it can help you to make more of your dinnertime together and give you some of that playful 50s sitcom banter that you’re craving. Hope this helps!
Jenn´s last blog ..Jenn’s 31st Birthday 2010
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